If the human race can get this one thing straight, then we would leap forward quite a bit in our psychological evolution. Let’s walk through this shall we?
When you were young, you learned most from your parents, whether they were there or not. (The whole ‘not’ part is a whole different learning but let’s focus on the ‘were’ part shall we?). When you saw them fight and you drunken dad blame your mom for him drinking because she did not but nag him for not making enough money/spending too much time playing poke with his buddies/etc, you understood and accepted some sort of logic from that situation. Despite not understand the situation at all, your young mind chose to align itself with either your father’s or mother’s side at some point. Fast forward 30 years and now you are married and not surprisingly, arguing with your wife (after ‘a few’) and blaming her for….ya, you know how this goes down.
In reality the only person to blame is yourself. From a purely physical point of view, you really don’t have some button I can just walk up and press. I am not you. I cannot tell you what to do and yet somehow you think that I am to blame for making you feel the way you do. Wait….where is that button again? Oh that’s right…there isn’t one. You chose to feel that way, skirting personal responsibility and blaming everyone but the person who owns the damn feeling.
Understand that the only person responsible for you is you. Not me, not your mother, not even the leader of your country. When you blame someone for all your problems, you are saying “I give up any right to govern myself because I am worthless.”
To quote Howard Beale from Network(movie, 1976) “I’m a human being goddammit! My life has value!”
How your logic twisted your mind into believing this is beyond the scope of my point. My point here is that the thinking is absolutely wrong. Learn to own up to this and you’d be surprised how often you have sabotaged damn good opportunities. Learn to own up to this and future opportunities will be in abundance and unbelievable.
Your damn right it isn’t easy.
“We can’t solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.” – Albert Einstein
You are simply going to have to get help. Typically that means trusting someone who at least has a perspective on life that can compliment your own. That could very well be your partner, a parent, a sibling, some friend or even that quiet inner voice that is always there but gets drowned out in all the self-pity you put yourself through.
So just stop blaming others and take it upon yourself to get straight. Ask for help! Remember, when you point one finger forward, 3 more are pointing back.