Where do you draw the line?

At what point does something make you think that “this is too far”?  That something had “crossed the line” and there was no turning back on that action.  It could be in a marriage, a friendship or even work.  At some point your sense of right was wronged and you have been insulted in some way.

Was it your significant other who cheated on you?  Can it be forgiven.  Maybe.  Can YOU forgive? Different question.  I used to think I was more flexible than I am.  Thought I was forgiving enough but it seems there are some things I really can’t forgive.

This is the same feeling that compels all these whistle blowers you read about.  The Mannings and Snowdens of the world.  Not money, that’s for sure.  There is no amount of money that is worth being treated like Bradley Manning has been.  Or is worth running out of the country on your life, never to return like Edward Snowden?

If your significant other betrays you, it is a horrible feeling.  I can see how some lesser minds would snap and go on a rampage but in the end, the potential for forgiveness is there.  But what happens when you are betrayed by your country?  The place where you have lived, breathed and grew up in for 20/30/40 years?  You going to divorce your home?  Because the country doesn’t care about your forgiveness.  Doesn’t care about being faithful to you.  Will not change because it feels remorse.

There was a person who broke up as relationship of mine many years ago, for purely selfish reasons too.  They asked if I could forgive them and I replied “Probably not in this life time.”  As things happened, the tables turned and the person, whom I thought was a friend, ended up betraying my trust and now I am really good friends with the first person that I thought I would never forgive.  Yet that persons betrayal, while had crossed a line at the time, was forgivable.  My current significant other’s betrayal, while I thought it was forgivable, was not.  Took me years to realize this.  Lots of reflection on my habits.

Even now I am mixed between suspicion and uncaring when she says she is going to “meet a friend”.  I simply can’t believe how blindsided I was back then.  You know why?  Because I thought it was normal to talk about your problems.  Guess some don’t think like that.

So now what? Do I give this person more courtesy than was given me?  Do they deserve it? Can I even be bothered any more?

Ignorant people

Here is why I don’t like organized religions.

I was having this conversation with the wife of a minister.  The topic of attachment came up and I said I think the Buddhists got it right on the topic.  This was her reply:

“Oh the buddhists don’t want you to be attached to anything, or whatever…”

Really?  That’s your grand understanding of Buddhism?  Guess who I just classified as ignorant….

Abusers

If you are an abuser, I have zero sympathy for you.  It is not natural to abuse someone or something that cannot defend him/her/it-self.  There is an implicit trust expected by those who need help and if there is one thing that will raise my anger to levels unheard of is that of those who abusing trust.

I ran into this once in public.  I was so angry I almost started a fight.  Luckily, not sure for who, I was with two other people that talked me out if it, barely.  Those who know me would probably be shocked that I was moved to consider this.  Not the cause but that I would go that far.

Now that I have other skills and friends acquired over the years, anyone who messes with me, my family or my friends will not have a happy day.

Challenging the status quo: Marriage

The question is simple: can one person give you everything you ever wanted in a relationship?

Now, let me mess with your minds.  I want to ask one more question….is the previous one even a valid question?

The more I learn about history, the more I learn about my own life and the most I learn about my own current ‘life partner’ the more I question everything.  Oh the traditionalists will scream “Yes you can get everything from one person, if you don’t like it then get a divorce.” (to whit the ultra-conservatives will say “No, you keep working at it, divorce is not allowed under God!”).  And here we are, at the root of the problem.

As far as I can tell, ‘marriage’ is a contrived notion, originally to try to impose some sort of morals while maintaining control over the people(not to mention their wallets).  This might have been useful for our species growth but now I feel it is terribly outdated.  In fact, there’s been precedence that this has not only been an absolute failure but something that just isn’t in our personalities.

Adultery has been an accepted practice in many societies.  Typically nobility where marriage was arranged but not limited to this setup.  As things like this has been known to happen over thousands of years, how can one even consider my first question to be a valid one ever?

I think the root of the situation is what you really want.  If you are married to one person but would rather be 100% with another, then that is a problem.  Being married to one person but only wanting sex with another, not such a big deal.  Want to know how this can be easily seen?  Simply ask “what is love?”  When you look up the definition what do you see?

an intense feeling of deep affection.

a person or thing that one loves.

Notice anything missing there?  Those definitions only talk about the emotion and not once mention physical side of things and yet somehow it is merely assumed to be included.

We are a varied species.  A nearly unlimited combination of thoughts and beliefs.  So that first question is absolutely bogus as it only presents a one-sided argument when as a society, we are far from being one-dimensional in our beings.

Patience

Who the hell has time for patience?!

patience

Nothing, and I mean nothing, is worse that knowing what an outcome will be to a situation but have to let things play through.  Oh I understand why it has to happen.  Why things have to be experienced before they can be appreciated.  That still doesn’t mean I have to like waiting for them to happen.

I’ve been gearing up for a significant change in my life.  I am seeing the first steps of that happening right now.  Check that, I should say ‘changes’.  Much is happening in my world right now.  It is like everything that I have truly wanted (with a few exceptions, that I suspect will eventually follow) is being made available to me right now.  I’ll be damned if I’m going to ignore these signs!

Still, I wonder how Time Lords really cope with such dilemmas?  Knowing the outcome of something and yet not being able to make it go/change any faster.  Sure, they can jump ahead but that is still passive.

“The reward of Patience is Patience.”

Sometimes being forced into having patience is a necessary evil.  The end reward will be so sweet.  It’ll be like being in Heaven after living through the patience of Hell.

Mistakes

Everyone has made them.  I know I have.  Mistakes can be forgiven if you are honest in your repentance.  I can forgive mistakes.  Take the example of that past friend who ditched me in a previous post.  It was a very long time ago.  I can probably forgive the mistake but not the person.

“How does that work?!” you ask?

Easy.  Mistakes are forgiveable….people might not be.  Just because you made a mistake means everything is all perfect like it was before.  Even if this guy came back to me and said “Sorry” I’d say “Thanks, now fuck off”.  That person can not be trusted any more.  That unspoken word of friendship trust has been broken.  Now, if it was as simple as it looks, you might tend to think I’m being harsh but there is more to the story that I’ll not bother getting into.  It was the way he did it that allows me to keep in mind the following saying.

“How you do anything is how you do everything.”

You might even liken that to the “A leopard can’t change it’s spots” quote.  To be honest, the energy needed to make such a friendship work again is better spent finding people who don’t have such traits.  Make a clean break and start again.

Will I make mistakes in the future?  Damned right I will.  Will I let them stop me from learning?  Never.  No one ever got to the top by being right all the time and I’m going all the way baby!

“Scream into the Unknown and wait for an answer!”

There is a band called SlowEarth.  They are pretty damn awesome.  The title of this post is from their song “Rebirth“.  The song touches me on one of the deepest levels.

I see this song/these particular words as an ultimate form of faith.  I touched briefly on this in the Wishes post.  At our current psychological evolution, we have a hard time understanding and appreciating gratification of our fondest desires.  The vast majority of people would get lost if they got everything they wanted the moment they asked for it.  So there is a delay.  This delay is built in on  purpose to make sure that what we ask for is exactly what we need.  If you can’t keep the question in your mind, and if you do not resonate with true desire, then it will never happen.

But!

If you can truly hold a single thought in your consciousness, and that it vibrates with the same frequency of your soul, then you can be rest assured of an answer.

Now, there is another problem.  When the answer comes, it is usually powerful and overwhelming.  To the point where your mind retreats into old habits.  Remember that your mind just fucks with you in order to ‘protect’ you.  It has a use but it’s more like an over-protective mother.  At some point you just gotta say “thanks, but I’ll take it from here.” because you are mature enough.

When that moment comes, this is a truly defining moment for anyone.  Some embrace it without reservation.  Those people who do  are the memorable ones.  The ones with no fear.  The ones who seem to have it all together and got that feeling of a ‘powerful personality’.  You just know that if they put their mind to it, it just happens.  The trick is that we can all do that if we choose.  Most do not, hence the state of the world today.

Understand that emotion called fear.  One of the best definitions of fear is ‘the anticipation of pain’.  Read that definition again to really grasp that meaning.  It speaks of something in the future, something that does not exists! You are literally afraid of nothing!  When you should be afraid of nothing. (Let’s see who gets the two totally different meanings in those sentences.).

How about this little acronym.  False Evidence Appearing Real.  Remember that this is your mind still fucking with you.  There is nothing holding you back but yourself.  Take life by the god-damn horns and fucking live it!

No where do I ever mean to live recklessly.  Those who are reckless ignore the messages coming to them and simply act on an impulse that has nothing to do with their soul.  They can be fun to be around but be aware of their reasons for their actions.  If something seems not quite right, then you need to be concerned for your own well-being and  potential for being sucked in.

Those who are true to their soul you just know.  There is no doubt.  There is no shame.  This could even scare you because their vibrations start to affect you and despite your subconscious ‘screaming into the unknown’ and now getting the answer, you are taken aback by it.  Old thought patterns arise, fear rears if ugly head and you miss out on the greatest opportunity of your life.

The funny thing is that you don’t realize how much of a positive, watershed effect that will have on those around you.  If you choose to be inspired by another, then those closest to you can’t help but feel the same.  If your soul is lifted to heights you have never experienced before, so will those who are closest and dearest.  Those who do not, they will drop out of your life because they would only be holding you back.

Indeed, I believe that one of the problems that people don’t realize is that they take the advice of someone ELSE and apply it to their life.  That person cannot possibly know what is best for you.  Keep in mind that if you have the slightest inkling for listening to life on it’s most subtle, spiritual level, any advice you hear is from someone’s MENTAL level.  This will completely fuck you up and ruin your chance that stands before you.

I believe this has happened in my life.  My current life-partner is taking advice from one of their friends and this advice has caused a severe and irreversible rift between us.  The problem is my life-partner thought it was ‘logical’ and so took it.  Remember when I said that your mind fucks with you.  Prime example.  That other person does not know your future.  Does not know your intimate details.  Does not know your soul.  They only know themselves and for THEM, that is what THEY would do.  So, now my life-partner has taken on that advice, which is paired to the karma of another, and completely fucked this relationship.  All this without speaking a god-damned word to me.  How idiotic can you get?  You start making decisions because someone else tells you it’s the right thing to do and you DON’T discuss it?  Not the brightest thing to do.

I have seen this time and time again.  A former love-interest did exactly that and I lost that relationship.  Now I’m loosing a spouse.  Lost a spouse.  I’m ok with this.  Sure, it’s not gong to be a walk in the park but it will be freeing.  I have learned much about myself and what I am willing to accept.

I have been ‘screaming into the unknown” for awhile.  I have had an answer of sorts.  I understand more about life now and will now seek to embrace what I have been missing.  I know what to look for now and with my newest ‘scream into the unknown’, I am looking for the exact same scream coming to me now.  I don’t know when/where I’ll find it but I know, I will find it.

Your Word & Trust

There is only one currency in this world and that is your word. (I could have sworn I wrote about this but don’t see it anywhere.  Maybe I just dreamt I wrote about it?).

Having money doesn’t guarantee anything.

Having Power doesn’t guarantee anything.

Only your Word can be trusted.  If you say something and you do it, that means you can be trusted.  When you break that trust, no one will befriend you.  You become shunned by nearly everyone save those who think you can be redeemed in some manner.

Now, there are times where you simply have to choose because you made two promises and can’t fulfil both at the same time.  This is easily mitigated by owning up to it and admitting the mistake.  Perhaps even offering something else you can do to compensate for the break of trust.

When you break someone’s trust and you don’t even care, you are the lowest of human scum.  This is why regaining that trust is a monumental task.  Few have truly been forgiven for their deepest ‘crimes’ of Word-breaking.

I know there are a few people I will never trust again and really don’t care to at this point in my life.  When a ‘friend’ suddenly ditches you because of some bogus ’emotional issues’ or when a life partner decides to cheat on you….these things are beyond forgiveness.

If you can’t be bothered to find the time to talk with your ‘friend’ or ‘life partner’ then you deserve to be shunned.  You deserve the karmic backlash that will happen and you will get no sympathy from me.

So tell me, how is your ‘currency’ trading on the social stock market these days?

Being alone

I believe that our ultimate destination is to not be alone. So essentially we are built to be with others. Keep in mind that there are levels that I always talk on. The ‘ultimate’ wording means spiritually in this sense. I believe in the end, and as cheesy as it may sound, we are all one. The path to get to that place is different for all of us.

Being alone sucks for the vast majority. That doesn’t mean there are those that want/need that experience. Indeed, there are times when everyone says “I need to be alone now”.  Some want that alone experience for much longer although typically that stems from a bad experience and not conducive to their overall spiritual growth. Then there are those who generally have chosen a fairly solitary life and are quite content with it. I believe those ones are few and far between, despite the number of people who claim this status.

For the rest of us, we struggle for acceptance. We struggle to be loved and we struggle to just fit in. Again, each of those scenarios have their own levels. I don’t bother to try an ‘fit in’. I’m not interested in going out, drinking every weekend just to get drunk. To me, that’s not ‘fitting in’. This also means I get excluded, by default of my nature, from many group events because I am labeled as ‘not fitting in’.

When someone suddenly accepts you for who you are, after years of just the opposite from your friends/family/partner, you get kinda surprised. And oddly, a bit surprised as how you are surprised(meta-learning). That’s when you realize things never need to be as bad as they are. There are those who will accept you as you are, with no reservations. You are not alone. You just need to find those who accept you and stick with them.

Fuck everyone else.

I hate fake people

(Being going through some stuff….so, time to let some of it out)

Hate.  There are a few levels of such an emotion.  I have been to the near bottom where my thoughts were so dark, the anger so high that if there was anyone around me (especially a particular person of that long ago time) who said the slightest thing wrong, I would have snapped.  Luckily that never happened.  Those were dark times, emotionally, for me.  So yes, I know hate on a fairly intimate level.  I also know there are deeper levels still, typically reserved for some of the worst violations in human history (rape, murder of a family member/country).  Luckily I have not been that low.

Fake people.  People who have been your partner for a long time, one you thought it would be a great long relationship with but at some point, they turned away.  No warning.  No discussion.  Just gone in every way but officially.  They just don’t tell you.  Then when you find out what happened, it is worse because it was a betrayal that is unforgivable.  At least you don’t realize it was unforgivable till after you said the words “I forgive you” only to realize that years later, you really didn’t forgive them didn’t deep down.

Then the situation changes around that time.  You start to see just how far apart you have grown.  You see how said partner talks a good game in front of a crowd/friends/family but when you are alone it is nothing like it.   You get told things like “I’m not interested.” when you ask why the sex has stopped.  The thought of another betrayal lurks dangerously at the back of your mind.  Also you are stunned by this sudden declaration of how your partnership will be going forward, all without a word of discussion.  Yeah, that happened the first time and it turned out bad.  The second time ain’t gonna be any better.

Don’t fucking lie to me.   I have learned that there are those who do value who I am.  Who accept me for who I am.  Why the fuck am I still here?  Dammit I hate scenarios where I have to wait before I can act.  Especially when my mind is made up and my path is clear to me.

I have debated on whether you deserve to be treated better than you have treated me and I don’t think so.  If you are lucky, maybe I’ll leave you note with something more than ‘goodbye’ on it.

I don’t want this any more.