Where do you draw the line?

At what point does something make you think that “this is too far”?  That something had “crossed the line” and there was no turning back on that action.  It could be in a marriage, a friendship or even work.  At some point your sense of right was wronged and you have been insulted in some way.

Was it your significant other who cheated on you?  Can it be forgiven.  Maybe.  Can YOU forgive? Different question.  I used to think I was more flexible than I am.  Thought I was forgiving enough but it seems there are some things I really can’t forgive.

This is the same feeling that compels all these whistle blowers you read about.  The Mannings and Snowdens of the world.  Not money, that’s for sure.  There is no amount of money that is worth being treated like Bradley Manning has been.  Or is worth running out of the country on your life, never to return like Edward Snowden?

If your significant other betrays you, it is a horrible feeling.  I can see how some lesser minds would snap and go on a rampage but in the end, the potential for forgiveness is there.  But what happens when you are betrayed by your country?  The place where you have lived, breathed and grew up in for 20/30/40 years?  You going to divorce your home?  Because the country doesn’t care about your forgiveness.  Doesn’t care about being faithful to you.  Will not change because it feels remorse.

There was a person who broke up as relationship of mine many years ago, for purely selfish reasons too.  They asked if I could forgive them and I replied “Probably not in this life time.”  As things happened, the tables turned and the person, whom I thought was a friend, ended up betraying my trust and now I am really good friends with the first person that I thought I would never forgive.  Yet that persons betrayal, while had crossed a line at the time, was forgivable.  My current significant other’s betrayal, while I thought it was forgivable, was not.  Took me years to realize this.  Lots of reflection on my habits.

Even now I am mixed between suspicion and uncaring when she says she is going to “meet a friend”.  I simply can’t believe how blindsided I was back then.  You know why?  Because I thought it was normal to talk about your problems.  Guess some don’t think like that.

So now what? Do I give this person more courtesy than was given me?  Do they deserve it? Can I even be bothered any more?

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2 thoughts on “Where do you draw the line?

  1. Perhaps the real question is if you believe the relationship you’re in is worth waiting or fighting for? I know it sounds simplistic, but I also know that I’ve thought about the same thing, and in my case it was harder because I have/had(?) a good partner- trustworthy, funny, wonderful in many ways except that something inside me is not working as a unit with him and hasn’t been for years. I am leaving to ‘find myself’ and to start over because I feel that I have fought enough for this and I can’t do it anymore. So for me, the relationship isn’t worth fighting for anymore- that was the hardest part for me to accept. And if he felt I was worth fighting for, he wouldn’t be letting go so easily!

  2. That is a good question indeed. After searching and finding some surprising things, both out there and in me, I found so much of me is not being appreciated, let alone getting enough attention and its those parts that I really want to have attention paid too. Essentially wasted skills and emotional needs. Much will be decided in the coming months and time is being forced upon me due to certain circumstances. I suspect it is a combination of two things. The first is to see if this is truly what I want. The second…..well, is more complicated. Still working on that and seeing where it fits in.

    Maybe he really feels the same way. If he is letting go so easily, then there is either a conscious or subconscious understanding on his part. Perhaps a slight chance that he really doesn’t see it and if he does, maybe he thinks you are bluffing? In either case, it sounds lie you got a good head on your shoulders and are headed in a very conscious direction. It can’t help but turn out right for you!

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