One step forward

I’ve been reading a lot more on Buddhism recently.  Oh I’ve known about it for a long time, respected it even but only ever had some surface knowledge of it for many years.  Over the last year or so, I’ve been trying to learn more.  Trying to see what it’s really about.  I hung out with a particular organization (SGI) and while some of the people were great, the founder is not something I can’t really believe he’s doing what’s best for the world versus more of what’s best for himself.  I have my reasons for my beliefs and will not go into details for that would be nothing more than spreading slander and gossip.  You are free to do your own research and find your own conclusions on SGI.

No, what I have done is asked very strong questions and I keep asking till I find an answer that makes sense to me.  Words that would ring true.  I know there was a point within Buddhism(in relation to cultural adjustments) that I could never, ever agree with (namely the whole Patriarchal aspect from India mainly.).  I do have a better understanding of it and I do believe change has occurred yet there is still a long way to go.

To this end, the reading has helped me some to pay more attention to my own thoughts and inner being.  That being the case, I am now keenly aware of something that I knew would happen but didn’t know how aware of that I would be.  That ‘closing of a chapter’ from my last post.  That am I am very aware of.  Despite my faint hopes of something happening to finish it off more ideally, I have become aware of the ‘dryness’ of that connection that I had with this other person, which was once rich and vibrant and powerful.  While I believe such connections will never be truly severed, karmically there needs to be a resolution before such ties are understood, the connection will remain a dusty hallway waiting to be used once again in our next rebirth.  Quite a fascinating conscious thought that.

One of the things I only barely touched on was that other person who popped up.  The more we talk, the more we tend to finish each other’s sentences or have the same thought but spoken by the other. I mean….damn, that’s right out of a crystal-weenie magic shop text book. This is the second person that I have met since leaving my home country.  The other is the same sex as me so not going to be anything beyond good friend there.  When it’s the opposite sex, and I’m in my current condition of ‘searching for that significant other’, I have to be real careful not to read more into it than it might be.

I’m not going to press the issue.  It would be rather unproductive given what I still have to sort out with the other part of my life any ways but it is something I’ll keep tabs on.  We have had some good conversations and when I heard about some of the bad things that happened in their previous relationship, I felt absolutely horrible with that sinking pit in my stomach.  I simply can’t comprehend why people do the things they do, and that’s a good thing.  I was called ‘too nice’, which is good to hear and yet so many others think it’s either ‘too good to be true’ or ‘I don’t deserve such a nice person’.  Both equally frustrate me and I’m trying to understand and accept the fact that everyone must go their own way.  Especially since that’s what I’m doing myself.  Regardless, it’s still a bullshit excuse that people need to get over.

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5 thoughts on “One step forward

  1. As a member of the SGI and as an individual, I can see your concerns. The whole mentor-disciple angle was something I took years to understand, and in some respects I am still trying to understand it.

    That being said, I’m not big on patriarchy in any set up, especially because it’s been pushed down our throats as Indians from before we’re even born. Nichiren Buddhism actually affords women a space in philosophy that’s been denied to them by almost every other philosophy.

    I think it’s great that you’re still trying to figure it out. I’m sure someone in the SGI would’ve already told you that you have what we call a seeking spirit. I think in the end we’re all trying to figure it out in our own way, aligning ourselves to what we feel matches our inner condition the most.

    Also, my personal stand on this is that if you’re really trying to be a good person–make the right causes and not live like you’re a separate entity whose choices don’t affect the world– you can’t go wrong, no matter what philosophy and whose words you follow.

    • You know, it’s never really been the message that’s been the problem. It’s always the messenger. There is always a slant but that usually gets wildly amplified in large groups. A bit of a shame really. While my ability to travel is great, it does make it hard to have really close friends that you can just meet up for a coffee and chat when you need it. Oh sure you could use Skype or somesuch, but not quite the same.

      Still, the quest goes on!

      And I’ll try to reply a little quicker than 3 weeks late….oops!

      • I understand what you mean about the slant. Actually, all the literature points out that hero-worship is not the way, nor should it be the idea. Sadly, that is what a lot of people get wrong. But this is why Nichiren Buddhism suggests that one should never follow or seek answers from the person, but from the Law itself. That is what keeps me going each time I see people who are practising the wrong way- it makes me determined to do right by myself and the philosophy which I believe has helped me tremendously.

        No, sadly, Skype isn’t the same as a coffee and a chat 🙂 Don’t worry about the late response. I’m terrible at responding quickly myself.

      • The issue I saw was one name kept showing up over and over again. This was more than leadership, it was ego personified and as far as I’m concerned, it is one of the worst forms of attachment and utterly contradictory to any path of Buddhism I’ve ever read about. Add to that a rather shady beginning and one man’s path become startling clear that it’s well outside of ‘enlightenment’.

  2. I’m sorry you feel that way, and I understand how it must look. I’ve been reading with a vengeance over the past year, and somehow I believe that in the end, it really is only a message, and the person is only a carrier of that message. The problem is that it’s in people’s nature to hero-worship, but that’s not the intention or the means to the end goal of finding happiness as a resting place within you.

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