I guess I’m either stupid or smart….

I left my partner to get some clarity of my future.  Sure enough, I got what I thought was a very clear picture.  A new offer for some work, needs a major change in my life, and a better idea of who I am.  Took me nearly 4 months of active effort to get here.  That means time for a chat.

When the talk finally happened, I felt that it wasn’t so clear any more.  That I wanted to try once more.  I know that I’ve been learning when I should be letting go and move on, or simply just take a break and try again.  This now feels like the latter.

How does someone go from being completely in their element, socializing, meeting new people, experiencing new things, to then wanting to go back to hopefully a new try?  Am I just one of those people who really does believe in hope and the good-hearted nature of people so deeply that it overrides everything else I may logically create when on my own?

I know that new and exciting things always hype up my excitement, possibly clouding my judgement but damn….how does my basic nature seem to pull in the opposite nature?

There are some parts to this story that are stupidly ironic and sadly can’t be expressed here due to wanting to keep things fairly private.  It’s almost like the world is pulling the biggest joke on me saying “here is an offer….and the easiest way to do it is with your partner….” yet my whole purpose for doing what I’m doing is to give serious consideration to not being with my partner.  Sigh.

Patience of a damn saint….that’s what I got it seems…..and that’s frustrating at time.


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