This is getting fucking ridiculous. We spent an evening out with local friends, one which was leaving the country and that I’ve harbored a long standing suspicion that there was ‘something’ between you guys a long time ago. While at that dinner he was describing ‘this girl’ he was trying to date but had a ‘unique familial circumstance’ and all the time he was talking, you sat there in THE most awkward silence. This is someone whom you knew longer than me…how could you ever be so awkward around that person? So quiet? So “I’m looking at the table so no one notices me and makes any connection to the story being told?”
Can’t get any more damn obvious to me!
Then tonight, you call saying you have to go the mall to return an item and won’t be home till 8pm. There was ‘something’ in your voice and I asked if you were feeling ok, knowing the recent troubles you’ve had. You said you were fine but your voice said otherwise.
Oh, and it doesn’t fucking help that we now live in the same city as the person you cheated with either!
It’s getting harder and hard to bide my time before I can make my move to go my own way. How much can I really hold back? It’s not in my nature. I’m spontaneous, I’m enthusiastic, I’m loud. This silence is nearly as bad as when I learned about your cheating all those years ago.
I really need to fucking scream right now but I have to settle for venting here, to strangers, all my issues that I literally have no one near me to sit and talk it over with. It’s painful. Really, emotionally painful.
I push forward with the knowledge and resolve of my plan to go my own way. Soon pieces will be in place and then we’re done. I would do it sooner but that just can’t work right now for various reasons. Soon I’ll be free. Soon.