Life has a very interesting way of guiding me at times. Remember that brief but fiery trip I had with someone I thought was going to work out longer but then crashed?
Well, after one week the other person blinked. I got a text message from them. I had already decided that it was fine to move on. Sure, I thought about them on a fairly regular basis, all the potential, and connection. I summed that up to my process of dealing with something very intense and gradually flushing through my system My ego really wanted that person to come begging back but I knew that was a fantasy.
I figured that maybe, just maybe, they would realize that I am exactly who I say I am, that I have done nothing malicious or intentionally tried to hurt anyone. As I had initially set my intentions at the beginning of our connections that we both understood it wouldn’t go anywhere serious in any kind of immediate time frame. I was ok with that. I worked with that intention. Oh sure my dreaming and imagination would occasionally poke its head into the future but I never stayed there and never gave it anything more than a ‘that would be nice’ type of thought.
So the texting turned into what I was trying so hard to do before….have a rational discussion. When I get angry, I know I will NOT say nice things. In fact, my mind goes right for the jugular and I aim dead on said person’s weakest spot. Yeah, you know that would never turn out well except for the most divinely inspired and immediate realization that I was right about that. Given that such a thing is not likely to happen to many people at all because as humans, we generally will react in a defensive nature and do everything we can to protect that fragile thing of an ego. So I did the only thing I could do, stop talking and take a break.
Well, I’m not an asshole and held no malice toward the other person. I knew that there were some serious medical concerns and wished them the best with whatever happens. Turned out that it was only a few steps away from being something really nasty and can be worked out. I was glad for that.
The conversation started to build and I really didn’t want to leave a relationship with such a negative amount of karma that I’d have to deal with again the next time around. We know have an understanding that we are both different, will react differently and feel things differently. I was really happy that we were talking again. I said before that as long as we could keep on communicating, we could evolve into a decent relationship. Seems that they realized I had the right idea on how to handle things, pushed aside their misplaced hurt feelings and made the effort. That was impressive. I was honoured to have such a person in my life.
So it’s been 4 days since we’ve started talking, texting/sexting and it’s going well again. In fact, there was yet another severe breakthrough on their part last night.
They had this one, severely debilitating self-esteem issue about their body. I mean, to the point that no one, except a doctor, ever saw this issue. Not their family, not their friends, no one. Even the rather private photos were taken in such a way that it would never be shown. We had talked about it, and I understood the root of it but until they were ready to let that go, I could only support them in moving forward. Well, last night I got a picture of the issue. It was such an emotionally charged exchange and I had never been so impressed and floored by such a leap of faith that I was stunned. I only gave praise for who they were and how I felt and that what I felt had not changed because of what I was shown. In fact, and in reality, I was MORE attracted to them.
That was when I got a tear-soaked video saying thank you for my words. To me, they were the hero and I should be the only person thanking them. They made a very massive step from freeing themselves from a self-imposed, negative thought pattern. That is a rare thing in this world and I am honoured to have witnessed it.
We will be meeting shortly. I expect some more tears, on both sides actually. From their begging of acceptance of their issue, and my witness to me losing a regular contract job(that sucks), it’ll be a very raw night. I wouldn’t have it any other way.