Detachment.

Buddhism has a good idea of detachment.  Meaning observe things but do not be lead by them.  Make your choice consciously and proactively instead of emotional knee-jerk reactions.  I am learning so much from my life right now.  I am getting good at being detached from my mind and act as an observer.  Well, technically we are both the difference is where you are actively focusing on.

I am amazed at how much crap my mind is creating in regards to my future.  I see it create so much doubt and I feel it too, yet I will not let it run my decisions.  Sure everything I do will be couched in as much caution that is necessary but I refuse to give into how loudly my mind screams all the worst possible scenarios.  We are so used to listening to our active voice that our true inner voice had been simply drowned out by all the noise.

Oh it is so easy to simply give in and let all the negative thoughts run things. Hell, they might be right….there is a always that chance right?  Right there….that sentence is the most evil one of them all. It plays on your insecurities by introducing FUD(fear, uncertainty, doubt).  In the past, I would have made a much bigger scene based on these thoughts but not this time.

I am choosing to purposely ignore my own mind. I have felt that inner voice and while it can be hard to hear it at times, I refuse to let it be forgotten.  I’ve heard the saying “Do one thing each day that scares you.” well, packing up everything and moving to a while other country on your own with only your soul to guide you is a damn daunting thing to face.  I mean, I haven’t even broached this in the slightest with my partner.  I want to limit the issue at home til the decision is final (i.e. The plane ticket is bought and the bags are packed).

I can already feel feel the tinglings in my gut.  I really don’t like confrontations.  Mostly because I know I can be down right mean and stupid.  To be honest, there is no point trying to correct some one else’s view after years of trying.  It’s literally arguing with a brick wall.

Now that I have an idea of what I’m doing I am doing my due diligence on the plan.  Originally I was just going to go for a visit under kind of partial pretenses.  I mentioned I knew friends and was thinking of setting up a gathering, which is true but the main purpose is to see someone.  Oh I’ll still see those other friends, maybe even do some business as well while there but those are secondary.  A “vacation” isn’t cheap.  Hotels are pretty expensive then a couple of days ago an idea hit me….why don’t I just move there?  If this other person works out, then saving up for another trip will take another month or two at best.  Not sure if I could really deal with the bs at home knowing where I would be going.  That would add undue stress.  Better to cut it clean

Ok, to do so one needs to know cost of doing so. Rent, transportation, food and of course since I’m not a citizen I have to have enough cash to leave the country at the end if my visa stay every time.  Luckily I don’t think I’ll have to go far so it won’t be to expensive to spend a weekend in a neighboring country.  I’ll even try to change it up each time.  Might as will enjoy all of it!  Of course there will have to be a trip back to my family.  If it works out, I’ll try for once a year on that.

As you can tell, I’ve been thinking this a lot in a fairly in-depth manner.  As should anyone who plans on such a change in their lives. Yet I keep the detachment in mind. I try not to get emotional about it so that it skews my perception or mis-calculate things.  I think I got a reasonable safety zone of finances on a monthly basis.  I haven’t looked into how much I’ll have going there with yet.  Part will depend on if I’ll need a deposit on the rental place or not, and if so how much.  I’ll be sure to ask many question and learn as much as I can about the local quirks on how things are listed (i.e. Cost per month, per well, per day?).  Keeping detached also means I won’t “fall in love with pretty pictures” of places either.  Oh there are some nice ones, will framed yet I need to know of any hidden costs and such.

Being detached will help tons.  I’ll get attached after so I can enjoy it fully then!  🙂

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