Made a play…..failed miserably….still learning

Being ever the impulsive person who follows their heart and intuition, I made a play for this other person I have this connection with….and it failed miserably.  Friend-zoned miserably.

I’m getting kinda tired at being in this place where nothing seems to match what I’m looking for, where I am or where I belong.  Today I was very angry for nearly the entire day.  Kept to myself mostly.  See, the older/veterans at work know each other well, the younger ones are just that….younger.  I’m essentially excluded from both groups based on a couple of discriminating factors(familiarity and age).

The people I’m interested in can’t get past the whole ‘friend thing’, despite that being a rather critical part of any relationship and despite them constantly making bad choices based entirely superficial decisions and ideals.

I’m taking a step back from being the ‘nice person’ who ‘makes me laugh’.  That just doesn’t get me anywhere.  I’m either the funny friend or the amusing older person. Neither of which get me anywhere I want to be.

Maybe I’ll just go back to hanging with some needy married people.  At least there was some energizing sex then…. :/


I don’t get how this happens.  I was on a long public transportation ride back to my city, petty relaxing, a few annoyances with my electronics mis-behaving but otherwise a normal thing.  Some work has piled up and suddenly I need a bunch of stuff done but can’t possibly get them all done as I am only one person.  I get home but just prior, had this growing feeling of….’don’t want to be here’ type of deal.  I don’t get why I suddenly felt annoyed.  Sure, I needed some food and when I’m really hungry, I get irritable but this did not feel like that.  I ate, and suddenly my significant other had a ton of things that just needed to be droned on about.  Way more details that were completely irrelevant and I didn’t need to hear.  Just get to the point so I can get on with my work will you?!

I was away for a day, sure it was for work and sure it was pretty demanding but it wasn’t something that should have set off this feeling of frustration.  I know we are moving and it’s not a small move either. Yet could it really be that insidious as to start causing stress at such a subtle level?  I’m usually quite self-aware of the origins of my feelings/thoughts but sometimes….I just get blind-sided.  I tend to want to think that it’s related to one of my close friends that I have an ‘etheric’ type of bond with.  That would be a more ‘rational’ explanation in that the feelings are coming from a close friend rather than truly of my own origin.  It’s not really that unheard of in society but the more ‘scientific’ types put such things down despite there being more than just a random case of this type of thing.

So what do I do?  Try to contain my words, not terribly successfully, and write out a blog post.

This next geographical move of mine is a big one.  Necessary as a step towards an even bigger move, which I KNOW there will be stress involved, but still necessary.

Let’s see if I can work off this frustration in some work now shall we?

How the mind works

Do you listen to the voice in your head? Maybe you shouldn’t. The problem is that most people only listen to the voice in their head not realizing what that voice is designed to do. It is designed for obe thing and one thing only, to keep you safe. The problem is how the mind defines the concept of safe.

Sure it is really important to be safe but the mind is acting like an over protective mother, always worried about what’s going to happen. It is always worry about what you’re going to do.

Want an example? Walk down the street, see some random stranger in say hi. I’m willing to bet that the vast majority of you immediately balked at doing this. That resistance, that little voice that said “but hi don’t know them.”, “they could hurt me”….that’s the voice that keeps you from ever getting on in your life. That’s the voice that keeps you safe.

Safe does NOT let you grow. As a person, as a soul, you ONLY ever grow at the edge of your comfort zone. No one had ever become a better person by watch TV, or by reading a book. They did it by getting out of their comfort zone and DID something. Maybe they gathered up the courage to ask that boy out for a date. Maybe they finally decided to ask their boss for a raise. Our, like a few I have met here, they finally got the courage to take steps to get out of a relationship that no longer served their higher good.

Hers another little trick to help. Your feelings are mainly an indication of your thoughts. When you are afraid, you notice that all your thoughts are of fear. Your emotions don’t dictate your feelings, it’s the other way around. Since we humans can’t possibly monitor the thousands of thoughts in our heads, we have our emotions that act like a gauge to give us an idea of what we are thinking in our minds.

I’m going to give you the key to your life right now.

“Change your thoughts and your life will change.”

I have recently set my mind on a course. All my thoughts are in that direction. Does that mean i don’t have doubts and fear? Absolutely not. I have then all the time. I just choose to ignore them and follow my soul, regardless of what my mind tells me.

This is why I will never be able to explain my actions to nearly everyone I know. Because they are not enlightened enough to understand. They still think that their mind is the only thing that matters. To them I will say “This is my choice. Accept it.”

So, what is your mind telling you right now? Is it telling you that you can’t move on? That it’s too hard? That too many people will get hurt? Or is that just all bullshit?