I’m not even sure where to begin. This feeling I have right now is some sort of mixture between excitement/fear/power…..I am trying very hard to make the best decisions possible in my next few weeks.
Let’s finish off the previous situation.
I broached the subject of relationship possibility and it was politely turned down. I didn’t manage that conversation well enough to explain that, while it would great to consider such a thing, ultimately I am only looking for confirmation that I have what it takes to find another, more compatible soul for me. I do believe the reaction spoke well of this and I was good with this. I still would like to explain my life story but not sure if this.
“A Challenger enters the arena.”
Then suddenly another kind soul wanders in. The light joking went better than expected and returned with more enthusiasm than I would have thought. Then I get invited to a movie, with coffee and desert after, and the flirting was pretty strong. I had to actively scale back mine for fear of sounding desperate.
Well, that went stupidly good. I would even say I felt a bit of fear that this type of thing happened but at the same tine, I was elated. Such good fortune made me feel a bit humble too.
You know, if that was all that happened to me, I would look at it as a great event. Yet as the late night infomercials say “but wait! There’s more!”
You remember that initial reason I decided to take a break? The whole initial reason for me to come to the country I’m visiting? Guess who I’m having coffee with in a few days? That’s right. The one person that helped me open a floodgate to my self expression. The one that I thought would be insanely perfect for me.
Now, I have no grand illusions that there is even the slightest chance things wil start again. In fact, I’m quite reserved to the fsct that it will be one of those unfinished businesses which will have to be dealt with in my next life, unless I miraculously attain Buddhahood in this one. No, I believe this meeting, while slightly a bit awkward, will simply be an acknowledgment of our recent past event, and an understanding that we will have to deal with it once again.
Still, while conversing with this person, my heart was racing pretty good. When I realized things aren’t utterly awkward, I was my usual witty self. Meeting this person in real life will be significant for me. Of course I’ll be nervous as hell but it will be necessary to go through.
What will be truly awkward is when the first two meet each other and how I will handle things. The truth about my past can’t be left unsaid any longer it seems. This is going to be a wild weekend.
Not sure why this post was stuck in draft-limbo but it’s a week old now. Might as well add updates here.
Let’s work backwards from the last post, which related to an ‘old’ issue I’ve been working with for almost a year.
Coffee did not happen with the person I was entangled with for a good chunk of time. I was rather disappointed but such is life. It’s funny when you can recognize patterns in your life. Well, it wasn’t how I was hoping to complete the last paragraph in that book but maybe it’ll make for a more interesting read then. Volume two in that series will be interesting for sure. Hmm, I wonder if this blog will be around and if I’ll stumble upon it. Wouldn’t that be a laugh. Oh wait, isn’t that part of the plot line in Cloud Atlas? Never mind, it would be interesting any ways. Well, I wished them good luck with the path they chose for the rest of their life and I’ll move on with mine. Which brings me a little closer to my immediate events.
Now that my time away is almost over, I have started to feel the twinges of sadness. I have met some great friends and had some awesome laughs. I have surprised a lot of people when they learned about my own past and even how old I am. I made a very close friend that is nearly half my age. The first time I ever met someone that young and made a real connection. I will miss them the most but we shall be keeping in contact. This trip has been full of surprises and I wonder what that friend’s involvement was in a previous life? There is no way that the laughs and crazy humour could be just a random thing shared. I am ever so grateful for meeting so many incredible friends here.
As for that ‘challenger’, well it was remote at best for being anything other than a good friend. I will see about just hanging out one last time with yet another cool person here.
I am quite sad for having to leave here. I’ve grown a bit attached, even considering trying to find a way back maybe. Who knows, still a few decisions to make yet before that even becomes remotely possible.
As for my significant other and our status. I don’t really know. I knew that I needed a break and now that it’s been a good few months, I’m much more clear headed. There are still issues to work out that linger. Normally I’d be looking for a bit more hard for indications on the relationship status but it seems that choice is all up to me.
I learned that I could go any where, make friends, close ones too. Even find connections in the strangest of locations. So I have no fear of being alone. There is only one thing that I am overly-conscious of and I know there will be a pretty big impact for my action if I chose to end the relationship. You know, its a scary thing to know exactly what would happen, or at least how things would go, if you made a certain choice at a certain time. Having read quite a bit on Karma lately, I am not really keen on accumulating any demerits if I don’t have to. So I need to think more on this and give it some time.
I’ll call this break a major success. Now, let’s finish it off on a positive note, at least as much as I can, and get ready to go home. Got a one more party my friends are having for me then a few days later, back home. You know, it’s almost like I miss this place and I’ve not left yet.