Why the hell can’t people be more considerate?
I mean, we make some ‘tentative’ plans, with the understanding that it might not happen. I’m fine with that but when it doesn’t happen, then you fucking let me know. Don’t leave me hanging all damn day without even a ‘sorry, can’t make it’ message. Fuck. Is it really that hard to send a message?!
Fuck your ‘I don’t want to disappoint you’ beliefs. You fucking just did. How the fuck did you think I was going to feel? “Oh it’s fine…that’s just the situation.” How about some god damn fucking courtesy?!
For the last week, you’ve done nothing to pull right back. Fuck! It’s really, really annoying to deal with people and their fears that they give in to.
We were ‘on the same page’ without actually saying any words. Things were feeling great, exchanges were energetic and happy. I used to get ‘Good Morning” with a kiss emoji. Now….nothing. You let slip some words and then condemned me for saying the same damn thing.
Yeah, patience was never my strong suit but damn…..courtesy doesn’t seem to be yours. Despite you also accusing me of the same thing.
Also, to that other person who seemed interested but then hid behind the ‘oh well, just someone else on a digital platform that I don’t have to bother getting to know at all despite that’s my whole reason for being here.” Fuck you and your attitude. You ignore questions and can’t put any real effort into even seeing what is possible.
Fuck people today. Just….fuck them.
I don’t get how this happens. I was on a long public transportation ride back to my city, petty relaxing, a few annoyances with my electronics mis-behaving but otherwise a normal thing. Some work has piled up and suddenly I need a bunch of stuff done but can’t possibly get them all done as I am only one person. I get home but just prior, had this growing feeling of….’don’t want to be here’ type of deal. I don’t get why I suddenly felt annoyed. Sure, I needed some food and when I’m really hungry, I get irritable but this did not feel like that. I ate, and suddenly my significant other had a ton of things that just needed to be droned on about. Way more details that were completely irrelevant and I didn’t need to hear. Just get to the point so I can get on with my work will you?!
I was away for a day, sure it was for work and sure it was pretty demanding but it wasn’t something that should have set off this feeling of frustration. I know we are moving and it’s not a small move either. Yet could it really be that insidious as to start causing stress at such a subtle level? I’m usually quite self-aware of the origins of my feelings/thoughts but sometimes….I just get blind-sided. I tend to want to think that it’s related to one of my close friends that I have an ‘etheric’ type of bond with. That would be a more ‘rational’ explanation in that the feelings are coming from a close friend rather than truly of my own origin. It’s not really that unheard of in society but the more ‘scientific’ types put such things down despite there being more than just a random case of this type of thing.
So what do I do? Try to contain my words, not terribly successfully, and write out a blog post.
This next geographical move of mine is a big one. Necessary as a step towards an even bigger move, which I KNOW there will be stress involved, but still necessary.
Let’s see if I can work off this frustration in some work now shall we?