Being ever the impulsive person who follows their heart and intuition, I made a play for this other person I have this connection with….and it failed miserably. Friend-zoned miserably.
I’m getting kinda tired at being in this place where nothing seems to match what I’m looking for, where I am or where I belong. Today I was very angry for nearly the entire day. Kept to myself mostly. See, the older/veterans at work know each other well, the younger ones are just that….younger. I’m essentially excluded from both groups based on a couple of discriminating factors(familiarity and age).
The people I’m interested in can’t get past the whole ‘friend thing’, despite that being a rather critical part of any relationship and despite them constantly making bad choices based entirely superficial decisions and ideals.
I’m taking a step back from being the ‘nice person’ who ‘makes me laugh’. That just doesn’t get me anywhere. I’m either the funny friend or the amusing older person. Neither of which get me anywhere I want to be.
Maybe I’ll just go back to hanging with some needy married people. At least there was some energizing sex then….
This…..this will be a rant.
Seriously. You just ramble on with stupid observations and idiotic questions. You know something is in one of those boxes but you are not sure if you should open the box you currently have. What the hell do you want me to say? “Oh no, don’t open that box, its full of bad mojo!” Just open the fucking box and see it had the stuff you are looking for!
You repeat the most inane things. You have told me no less than 5 times this one fact. Pointless and obvious at the same time. Seriously, I am being mentally drowned in less-than-mediocre conversation. There is no enlightenment here. There is no stimulation here. I am the only one that brings any kind of laughter into this relationship and I’m tired of it.
You never ask if I’m in the middle of something. How the hell can I possibly pay attention to what you are saying if you never consider that I might be doing something important and woulda like to hear what you are saying but you never, ever think I am occupied. Over a decade later and you still don’t know my basic persona? Fuck.
Fuck me. You said you were going to take a shower, you know I was trying to watch a video and you are still fucking babbling on. I just want to scream!