Getting real tired of this shit….

Why the hell can’t people be more considerate?

I mean, we make some ‘tentative’ plans, with the understanding that it might not happen.  I’m fine with that but when it doesn’t happen, then you fucking let me know.  Don’t leave me hanging all damn day without even a ‘sorry, can’t make it’ message.  Fuck.  Is it really that hard to send a message?!

Fuck your ‘I don’t want to disappoint you’ beliefs.  You fucking just did.  How the fuck did you think I was going to feel?  “Oh it’s fine…that’s just the situation.”  How about some god damn fucking courtesy?!

For the last week, you’ve done nothing to pull right back.  Fuck!  It’s really, really annoying to deal with people and their fears that they give in to.

We were ‘on the same page’ without actually saying any words.  Things were feeling great, exchanges were energetic and happy.  I used to get ‘Good Morning” with a kiss emoji.  Now….nothing.  You let slip some words and then condemned me for saying the same damn thing.

Yeah, patience was never my strong suit but damn…..courtesy doesn’t seem to be yours.  Despite you also accusing me of the same thing.

Also, to that other person who seemed interested but then hid behind the ‘oh well, just someone else on a digital platform that I don’t have to bother getting to know at all despite that’s my whole reason for being here.”  Fuck you and your attitude.  You ignore questions and can’t put any real effort into even seeing what is possible.

Fuck people today.  Just….fuck them.


The highest good

How many of you have sacrificed your spiritual growth under the banner of “I don’t want to hurt him/her”?  Were you making a True choice our were you too afraid of making a choice that was for your higher good?  Do not confuse this with “the greater good”.  That just means for humanity at large.  The “higher good” is for your own growth and not that of others, it is personal.

My own mother sacrificed so much for what she trained herself to believe was for the good of the family.  Mostly because of some irrational fear and immaturity on the part of my father. To this day, she does not have any friends she goes out to see.  No one calls her just to talk with her about life.  She had embedded everything she does with family only.  While that can be considered admirable, I want you to sit there and tell me that’s healthy for your soul.  Can you even conceive of not having anyone to talk to outside of your family? What does that teach your kids?  They say that your kids either grow up just like you our completely opposite.  In thus respect, I am completely opposite.  I have friends all over the world. Many who would do anything if I asked them.

My mother had sacrificed a good career just because of my father’s insecurity. This is something I refuse to do.  I will not let anyone stand in my way of my personal growth. This includes breaking relationships that are doing nothing but holding me back.  We all do this, yet for some reason if you say you at leaving your marriage, everyone wants to give you advice on how to keep it.  Well, everyone except those who don’t like your significant other that is.

This change is for my higher good. It is not rash. It is not even a sudden decision, although many will think so but only because they at not “in the loop” of events that have transpired. 7 years is a long time to carry around mistrust and resentment.  The mistrust stated off huge after the cheating was discovered but it eventually died down to a mild case of paranoia.  Hmmm, not really paranoid but just…..a low level of distrust.  The resentment has been growing in a near linear line.  I have had to control my outbursts in reaction to something my partner had done/said.  It’s greeting harder to do and if anything else, that is a sign in of itself things need to change.

Where do you draw the line?

At what point does something make you think that “this is too far”?  That something had “crossed the line” and there was no turning back on that action.  It could be in a marriage, a friendship or even work.  At some point your sense of right was wronged and you have been insulted in some way.

Was it your significant other who cheated on you?  Can it be forgiven.  Maybe.  Can YOU forgive? Different question.  I used to think I was more flexible than I am.  Thought I was forgiving enough but it seems there are some things I really can’t forgive.

This is the same feeling that compels all these whistle blowers you read about.  The Mannings and Snowdens of the world.  Not money, that’s for sure.  There is no amount of money that is worth being treated like Bradley Manning has been.  Or is worth running out of the country on your life, never to return like Edward Snowden?

If your significant other betrays you, it is a horrible feeling.  I can see how some lesser minds would snap and go on a rampage but in the end, the potential for forgiveness is there.  But what happens when you are betrayed by your country?  The place where you have lived, breathed and grew up in for 20/30/40 years?  You going to divorce your home?  Because the country doesn’t care about your forgiveness.  Doesn’t care about being faithful to you.  Will not change because it feels remorse.

There was a person who broke up as relationship of mine many years ago, for purely selfish reasons too.  They asked if I could forgive them and I replied “Probably not in this life time.”  As things happened, the tables turned and the person, whom I thought was a friend, ended up betraying my trust and now I am really good friends with the first person that I thought I would never forgive.  Yet that persons betrayal, while had crossed a line at the time, was forgivable.  My current significant other’s betrayal, while I thought it was forgivable, was not.  Took me years to realize this.  Lots of reflection on my habits.

Even now I am mixed between suspicion and uncaring when she says she is going to “meet a friend”.  I simply can’t believe how blindsided I was back then.  You know why?  Because I thought it was normal to talk about your problems.  Guess some don’t think like that.

So now what? Do I give this person more courtesy than was given me?  Do they deserve it? Can I even be bothered any more?

Your Word & Trust

There is only one currency in this world and that is your word. (I could have sworn I wrote about this but don’t see it anywhere.  Maybe I just dreamt I wrote about it?).

Having money doesn’t guarantee anything.

Having Power doesn’t guarantee anything.

Only your Word can be trusted.  If you say something and you do it, that means you can be trusted.  When you break that trust, no one will befriend you.  You become shunned by nearly everyone save those who think you can be redeemed in some manner.

Now, there are times where you simply have to choose because you made two promises and can’t fulfil both at the same time.  This is easily mitigated by owning up to it and admitting the mistake.  Perhaps even offering something else you can do to compensate for the break of trust.

When you break someone’s trust and you don’t even care, you are the lowest of human scum.  This is why regaining that trust is a monumental task.  Few have truly been forgiven for their deepest ‘crimes’ of Word-breaking.

I know there are a few people I will never trust again and really don’t care to at this point in my life.  When a ‘friend’ suddenly ditches you because of some bogus ’emotional issues’ or when a life partner decides to cheat on you….these things are beyond forgiveness.

If you can’t be bothered to find the time to talk with your ‘friend’ or ‘life partner’ then you deserve to be shunned.  You deserve the karmic backlash that will happen and you will get no sympathy from me.

So tell me, how is your ‘currency’ trading on the social stock market these days?